A Wellwood Abroad presents: The Day the Muppets Were a LIE.

So a funny thing happened to me yesterday.

First, the backstory: I had made tentative plans over Facebook with Haleigh (a fellow Wellwood who is also stuck in Toronto for the year) to go see the Muppets this week.  I was having a stressful few weeks of school, needed a break from reality, and a Muppet movie sounded like just the ticket.  She suggested Wednesday.  I concurred, looked up showtimes, and suggested an 8pm show downtown, since I finish class at 6.  Then I didn't hear from her for a couple days and forgot about it.

Flash forward to Wednesday at 5:45pm.  I was in my Mac Applications class flipping through fonts.  I had long-since given up on any Muppet plans, having texted Haleigh a couple of times and not heard back.  But suddently, a wild Facebook message appeared:

Had I been thinking clearly, this would have raised several questions:

1. Why is the Muppets playing at the CBC building?
2. Why is Haleigh making me race downtown to the 7pm show when there are plenty of later ones?
3. How the H-E-doublehockeysticks am I going to get from my campus on the lakeshore to the CBC building in under an hour???

But I didn't ask any of those questions.  Maybe it was the 3.5 hours of staring at typefaces, or the 10 hours of school, or the fact that I hadn't eaten anything but a muffin all day, but in my mind, the time for asking questions was over.  It was time for Muppets, goddammit.  POPCORN AND MUPPETS.

Cue Amazing Race Mode.  I ran to the bus stop, took a bus to the subway, then took the subway all the way downtown, transferred to a different subway, got to King Station and started running towards the CBC headquarters.  I realized there was no way I could make it in time, so on the way I messaged Haleigh suggesting that we should go to an 8:00 show instead.  This was her response via text message:

"Lol, it is an event so Sami was invited and bringing us...
just be there by quarter to."

This should have raised several more valid questions.  

I knew that "Sami" was Sami Jo Small (former Team Canada goalie, slash Haleigh Callison's housemate), and that she probably gets invited to stuff pretty regularly, but why a Muppets premiere?  And wasn't the Muppets premiere a week ago??  And why would there be a Muppets event at the CBC?   And why did my suggestion of a different showtime get a 'lol' response???  I should have asked all of these, but it was already 7:00, so instead of using my brain, I just ran faster.  All I could think about was what a hilarious combo Kermit the Frog and Jason Segel would make. 

After asking several Torontonians for directions, I charged through the doors at the CBC and the lobby was empty.  Everyone was already inside the theatre.  I quickly told the check-in table I was with Sami Jo Small, grabbed a program, checked my coat and backpack, and entered the darkened theatre.  Whatever was on the screen definitely wasn't the Muppets.  "Whew!" I thought, "I didn't even miss all the previews!"  

The theatre was packed and dark, so I knew I couldn't possibly find Haleigh and Sami.  I took a seat in the back row and caught my breath.  The preview I was watching was about a Norwegian speed skater at the Lillehammer Olympics.  "Weird," I mused to myself, "must be a trailer for a CBC documentary or something."  It took me a good 10 minutes before I finally sensed that something was amiss.  

Then it dawned on me.  "Wait a minute... this is an awfully well-dressed crowd for a Muppet movie... and why am I watching an African child assemble a machine gun?"  

My eyes had adjusted to the darkness, revealing that everyone around me was in suits and ties.  I felt my stomach drop... where the heck was I??  With extreme caution, I nervously glanced down at the program in my lap that I hadn't bothered to look at yet.

It wasn't a program.  It was a donation form.

I was at a fundraiser for Right To Play.

Damn you, Haleigh Callison.  Damn you.

And now here I am, a day later, more acutely aware than ever that the world is full of suffering, more stressed out about school than ever, and worst of all, I still haven't seen the Muppets.