A Wellwood Abroad presents: The Day the Muppets Were a LIE.

So a funny thing happened to me yesterday.

First, the backstory: I had made tentative plans over Facebook with Haleigh (a fellow Wellwood who is also stuck in Toronto for the year) to go see the Muppets this week.  I was having a stressful few weeks of school, needed a break from reality, and a Muppet movie sounded like just the ticket.  She suggested Wednesday.  I concurred, looked up showtimes, and suggested an 8pm show downtown, since I finish class at 6.  Then I didn't hear from her for a couple days and forgot about it.

Flash forward to Wednesday at 5:45pm.  I was in my Mac Applications class flipping through fonts.  I had long-since given up on any Muppet plans, having texted Haleigh a couple of times and not heard back.  But suddently, a wild Facebook message appeared:

Had I been thinking clearly, this would have raised several questions:

1. Why is the Muppets playing at the CBC building?
2. Why is Haleigh making me race downtown to the 7pm show when there are plenty of later ones?
3. How the H-E-doublehockeysticks am I going to get from my campus on the lakeshore to the CBC building in under an hour???

But I didn't ask any of those questions.  Maybe it was the 3.5 hours of staring at typefaces, or the 10 hours of school, or the fact that I hadn't eaten anything but a muffin all day, but in my mind, the time for asking questions was over.  It was time for Muppets, goddammit.  POPCORN AND MUPPETS.

Cue Amazing Race Mode.  I ran to the bus stop, took a bus to the subway, then took the subway all the way downtown, transferred to a different subway, got to King Station and started running towards the CBC headquarters.  I realized there was no way I could make it in time, so on the way I messaged Haleigh suggesting that we should go to an 8:00 show instead.  This was her response via text message:

"Lol, it is an event so Sami was invited and bringing us...
just be there by quarter to."

This should have raised several more valid questions.  

I knew that "Sami" was Sami Jo Small (former Team Canada goalie, slash Haleigh Callison's housemate), and that she probably gets invited to stuff pretty regularly, but why a Muppets premiere?  And wasn't the Muppets premiere a week ago??  And why would there be a Muppets event at the CBC?   And why did my suggestion of a different showtime get a 'lol' response???  I should have asked all of these, but it was already 7:00, so instead of using my brain, I just ran faster.  All I could think about was what a hilarious combo Kermit the Frog and Jason Segel would make. 

After asking several Torontonians for directions, I charged through the doors at the CBC and the lobby was empty.  Everyone was already inside the theatre.  I quickly told the check-in table I was with Sami Jo Small, grabbed a program, checked my coat and backpack, and entered the darkened theatre.  Whatever was on the screen definitely wasn't the Muppets.  "Whew!" I thought, "I didn't even miss all the previews!"  

The theatre was packed and dark, so I knew I couldn't possibly find Haleigh and Sami.  I took a seat in the back row and caught my breath.  The preview I was watching was about a Norwegian speed skater at the Lillehammer Olympics.  "Weird," I mused to myself, "must be a trailer for a CBC documentary or something."  It took me a good 10 minutes before I finally sensed that something was amiss.  

Then it dawned on me.  "Wait a minute... this is an awfully well-dressed crowd for a Muppet movie... and why am I watching an African child assemble a machine gun?"  

My eyes had adjusted to the darkness, revealing that everyone around me was in suits and ties.  I felt my stomach drop... where the heck was I??  With extreme caution, I nervously glanced down at the program in my lap that I hadn't bothered to look at yet.

It wasn't a program.  It was a donation form.

I was at a fundraiser for Right To Play.

Damn you, Haleigh Callison.  Damn you.

And now here I am, a day later, more acutely aware than ever that the world is full of suffering, more stressed out about school than ever, and worst of all, I still haven't seen the Muppets.

Good news and bad news

Hey Y'all,

So I got back from the National Championships in Victoria two Sundays ago and I'm just now getting around to writing about it. I blame the fact that I am enrolled in writing school for my lack of writing.  You heard me.

As some of you may already know, we did not achieve the sweeping victory we were hoping for at Nationals.  After waltzing through our first two games against Regina and Lambton Shores with a +12 goal differential, we were feeling a bit cheeky and overconfident.  Then we got down by a couple of goals early against the Victoria Extreme and just couldn't come back, and before we knew it we were eliminated in the Quarterfinals.

It would be easy for me to blame the loss on our total lack of any defensive structure, so that's exactly what I'm going to do.  Victoria blocked a ton of shots, keeping us to the outside all game, whereas our designated shot-blocker, Kali-Ann Cameron, was listed as day-to-day with an explodinated knee.

So the good news going forward is that we know what we need to do.  The women's teams that were successful in the tournament (Victoria, Edmonton, and the Burnaby Hawks) all played a pretty tactical defensive style.  Their strategy may have been superior to ours ("MORE LONG BOMB PASSES!!  JUST GIVE 900 PERCENT!!").  We'll probably have a meeting in the off-season to discuss the possibility of adding defence to our repertoire.  There will be timbits.

More good news is that we got some truly outstanding footage, courtesy of Staff Videographer Slash Boyfriend Michael Seifert, who stood in the rain with a camera all weekend like a champ.  If and when I ever get a break from writing ads for Baconnaise, I will start editing and hopefully get our mini-documentary done over the Christmas break. Video highlights include a seagull stealing Bergy's insole, a very giggly ferry ride, and the secret recipe for Kos's special homemade gluten-free cake.

There's also some more bad news... Bergy is leaving us and moving back to Norway!  She got a job as Assistant to the Regional Manager of the country or something;  we were too distraught to listen to her explanation.  Also there was cake, and we were distracted.  We will all miss Bergy - in addition to having the softest hands on the team, she's probably the nicest person you'll ever meet.   We're certain that she will rise through the ranks and be Queen of Norway before the year is out.

Let's try to end this post on a positive note.  We had an awesome night out in Victoria to cap off the weekend, and I somehow made it to the ferry the next morning, then straight to the airport, flew back to Toronto, and even made it to class the next morning.  Now it's just over a month until I get to come home to Vancouver for the holidays and see everyone again.  Kim Allan is moving to Prince George for the remainder of her med school, but hopefully she'll be back for regionals in the Summer.  We're even thinking about road tripping up to Kelowna for an extra Play On tournament this year!

Okay, that's all, folks.  Time to go back to writing cheesy taglines and snarky tweets about the Canucks. (follow us @TheWellwoods!).  Later, skaters.